EPISODE 5
Part 4
Although they still felt heavy, Albert’s eyelids slowly opened. His mind remained full of vague images, enchanting sceneries, a beloved face and dreamlike sensations. He had dreamed of Tatiana again, his lovely, his tender, his passionate beloved irremediably lost in the deadly swirls of an African river, along with their hopes of a blissful and altruistic life. She never strayed far from his thoughts. As if their broken physical link had solidified in the etheric world. It made him feel like the only one he had ever hoped to share his life and explore the world with, recreate it still and always in their own image, was in fact present in each one of his own cells.
He guessed that Candy and Terry were feeling a love such as this. They must presently be totally in rapture and enjoying themselves now that they had been reunited. They shared a love that resembled the one that had been ripped off him and Tatiana. In the weeks they had spent together, he had recognized in her a kindred spirit at all levels, in all spheres, and it was this bond that seemed stronger than death that made it difficult for him to live without her and even the thought of replacing her deem impossible. He had the feeling that with her, they had touched an ideal happiness, and that their relationship had been forged in an irrevocable, infinite and unconditional love. Would he someday have the opportunity to feel that he belonged heart and soul to another being, in a silent osmosis of the bodies, the hearts, the spirits and the souls, this wanting to tell each other everything, share everything, and to surrender totally to the Other’s truth without having to leave their own behind?
He shut his eyes and sighed, hoping to be able to dive back into his perfect dream, but unable to do so. The image of his beautiful beloved with her copper hair and soft skin was incessantly brought back to the forefront of his memory, and he couldn’t for the life of him comprehend why he had dreamed of her yet again. Why? Maybe he had a message to understand, that kept eluding him. Was she trying to tell him something from beyond? Maybe he simply had to accept the fact that she would always remain an integral part of him, of his cells, of his thoughts, of all his being, and that was simply just the way things were. Having lost her, he could only make himself the promise to live his life on Earth now, a life that she would have been proud of and admired, and continue to be who he had always been, a man sensitive to Nature, a man that strived to improve the lives of other living beings, animal and vegetal, and facilitate everyone’s co-existence.
It was in these moments of lucidity that he felt the expanding gap between what he had dreamed of becoming and what he had done with his life. His place was not here anymore, neither in a police station, nor behind a desk in a static space, not even at the reins of a business empire. Of course, he had been conditioned to accomplish these tasks to perfection, and he loved meeting new people to discuss, except that one day, he would have to face reality : his heart and his soul were completely elsewhere.
The idea of a pilgrimage to Kenya to retrace the story of his lost love had touched upon his mind again, but he abandoned it as soon as it came up. He couldn’t do that now. What would George say if he announced that he wanted to go back to his adventurous life? His whole family counted on him and expected him to shine during this business trip, hoping it would bring about new capital and crucial partnerships that would guarantee their hegemony in the financial field. If he succeeded with his numerous appointments, they would never have to worry about lacking anything, and surely not work! The business dealings he was about to make here would bring the Ardleys to an unparalleled level to what his father had accomplished. Along with George, he had worked so hard to make sure that his father’s dream would continue, after his unexpected death. Archie also took their dealings to heart. Albert’s hands were tied; he couldn’t desert or quit.
He left his nostalgic chimeras between the unmade sheets and got up to confront this new day that was particularly booked. Would he find the golden nuggets in what seemed to him a bottomless mine without any potential? His only compensation for the time being was that he had finally recuperated the lost hours of sleep from his last night aboard the Olympic. Knowing that his appointment at the police station was scheduled for early afternoon and that he had nothing pressing to do, he had allowed himself to relax a bit in a comfortable bed and sleep in, something he almost never permitted himself to do.
He got up, his messy hair standing on end, simply dressed with his pyjama’s bottom, he opened the curtains to let the rays of the sun enter from the double windows, and warm his torso. Yawning, he stretched to his full height. His body was rested despite the nebulous dreams he had made which had tickled his memory. He could see below, on the ground level outside, the port city workers going about their daily business. This particular district was as busy as some streets in New York, it was a real beehive! It must be this way whenever an ocean liner arrived or departed from the quays. Albert knew the Olympic was getting ready to leave Southampton for her next trip after being refueled in food, coal and passengers.
As for him, he was stuck here, so close to the harbour, hoping to be able to conclude a story that wasn’t his, waiting to go to Scotland to resolve another conflict that wasn’t his and that should never even have been considered to start with! At least, it seemed to him to be a simple but strange fad from his Aunt Elroy, that was supported by George. He was eager to close these two situations that were pending for the time being, and a real imbroglio to him, tied to his feeling powerless and misunderstood, both emotions he detested feeling. Hating, that was a strong word! It made him extremely uncomfortable, as if he was chained and at the mercy of other peoples’ desires, which were in no way compatible with his own.
When had he lost his precious liberty? And his ardent need of exploring Another, his primal need to search for his happiness, his desire to respect Nature? Where had he lost himself and his dreams? If only he could perceive the hidden opportunities in these situations, because there must be some, assuredly! If he could achieve this miracle, maybe he could then establish great business partnerships with the people he would be meeting, that would at least comfort him in the idea that he had not completely lost his time.
He dressed himself carefully, putting on his best business suit and went down to the ground floor of the hotel, to eat a good breakfast at the restaurant. Andrew was already seated with the two men and their empty plates. Albert invited himself to their table.
-Good morning, gentlemen! Please don’t leave because of me, he told the two men as they got up.
Andrew answered for them while Jack and Kevin went out of the establishment. Through the windows, they saw the two silhouettes walking towards the stores farther down on the other side of the street.
-I told them I would buy new clothes for them so that they look neat and respectful before I introduce them to my father. They have gone to make some purchases. They will come back to have lunch with us before we head back to the station.
-You trust them.
-You know as well as I do that trust has to be won by deeds. I have hope that they will remember that I have just saved them from a bad spot, and also their reputation that was at stake. They will be able to work in their line of expertise and make a name for themselves now. You could say that it is a sort of a test. They will have many occasions to show me their loyalty, starting today.
-I understand what you are doing and agree with you. You are a good man and you have integrity, Andrew. I am happy to have made your acquaintance on the ship. Now that we have a couple of loose hours on our hands, what would you say we finally talk business a bit, so that we use this spare time wisely?
-That would be the best thing to do while we are waiting.
-Talk to me of the MacFarlane business specialties, then. You already told me you had race horses, but what about your other interests and activities? asked Albert.
-Where can I start? laughed Andrew. As I have already mentioned in passing, these past few years, we have diversified our fields of interest and become invested in modern sectors of the economy so as to be able to get into the twentieth century and have a stronger base for our company. We are now implicated on financial levels, in communications as well as in transportation, particularly in aviation.
-That is quite varied! exclaimed Albert, favourably impressed to learn that Andrew and his father were versatile and catering to multiple areas.
-I obtained my economic degree with honors, so it is needless to say that I would exploit my learnings and my gains to good use! With the chance of having an ambitious son that has an inexhaustible stock of energy, my father knew it was best to keep me occupied. Furthermore, we still have our reputed stables, because we love horses. We breed some of the most renowned thoroughbreds for competitions.
-What brought you to these ones particularly?
-My father has been interested in communications for about ten years, now. He thought it was an innovative environment, full of possibilities for us to expand our spheres. Then, when war came, he refused that I enroll, saying he needed me for his business. I suspect that he pulled some strings so that I wouldn’t be called. I know some of my classmates who did the opposite, and pretended they were older so as to be able to go even if they weren’t of age. Since I couldn’t, we contributed in the war effort in other ways, fabricating and furnishing the British government with pieces for plane motors. I also worked at the training field for pilots in a huge shed near our home. Ever since, I’ve been obsessed about learning all I could on these flying engines, figuring out how they work mechanically, and what comes with it.
-My nephew was pilot during the war. He never came back.
-Oh, I’m sorry about that. So few survived to see the end of the conflict.
-It was his first real decision as a man, to leave for the war. We tried to keep him away from it, but the pull was too strong in him. He was with the first volunteers to be in the Lafayette squadron on the front in France, even before the States had entered the war.
-Those pilots were all heroes, if you ask me. Can you imagine, being in the thick of the action like that, in these new flying planes, in war times, what an act of courage and extreme abnegation of self! I have known so many young men of my age, with their minds full of ideas, enthusiastic and without fear. I wanted to be like them. I wanted to go and do my part. But my dad refused and, being his only son, I had to abstain. Thankfully I got to do my part to help and act in another way.
-Stear left without asking anybody’s permission. He was a born-inventor, and had this extraordinary capacity to see things differently, and he tried to make the world a better place in his unique way. He would have been well served to work with a team of other men like him. I guess he must have done so, for the short time he was on the aerial base in France.
-He must have been interesting to converse with.
-Yes, he sure was. I miss his humor and his ingenuity sometimes. He was about your age… said Albert as he shook his head. And life goes on. I understand your interest for planes, they are very promising machines. They will eventually take over the trains, in a far future.
-Maybe not as far into the distance as we think. Progress goes rapidly in that area. Let’s say that since the war ended, we are making the most of what we know, while conserving all our assets and experiences gained so as to continue building planes. I obtained my pilot’s license, and my father and I finally bought the famous shed that had been put out of use. It came with some old planes that needed to be repaired. It is a world that I find absolutely fascinating! And it will be important for the future. I went to the States to meet potential business partners, because we have hope to eventually pair with an American enterprise to expand our territory. Well, I would say that’s about it for me.
Albert then proceeded to give Andrew a portrait of the Ardley affairs, their hopes for the future, and their desire to expand also. During this trip, he was to meet with a few families in London and Scotland to see the possibilities.
-It is a real chance to have met you, Andrew.
-Yes, a nice coincidence.
Jack and Kevin came back at this exact moment, carrying their purchases, their arms full of boxes. They deposited them at the desk and asked for them to be brought up, then rejoined the two business men at the table. Hours had passed while they talked, and it was already lunch time. They ate a light meal consisting of a soup and sandwiches, then got ready for their appointment. They walked together to the police station which wasn’t far.
Sergeant Lewis and his subordinate were expecting them, with their case in hand when the four arrived early afternoon.
-This is your report, the secretary finished typing it, with everything you told us in it, said the Sergeant at once, as if he was eager to get rid of them. You only have to sign, gentlemen, and then you may go.
-What came out of the telephones you had to make? wondered Albert, intrigued. Have you obtained clarifications on the man that was missing?
-Everything is in order. It would seem that these men, said the officer as he pointed to Jack and Kevin, mistakenly heard what was said.
-Excuse me? But how? exclaimed Kevin.
-What do you mean, exactly? Pray be more specific! added Andrew.
-The man… I mean, the scientist presumably sequestered… He was found months ago. He is no longer missing in action. In short, this whole thing is a huge misunderstanding.
-I don’t understand what you are implying, could you clarify that for us, please? insisted Albert.
-Let’s just say that these men have extrapolated a bit on what they heard or made wrong assumptions. According to our research, there has been an incident, which was put in order weeks ago. The man of science in question was found and brought back to his home in Scotland long before what these men overheard. I have the impression they have mixed gossip and rumors to come to fast conclusions and wanted to use that to gain money. The loss of their jobs having disillusioned them, they wanted to get back to the Lord that employed them. It’s classic. Now, Mr. MacFarlane, I also need your signature on this form declaring that you are vouching for these two men and that you are responsible for them. If for whatever reason you take them out of your employment in the next year, you will have to let us know so that we will keep them under watch.
-Have I understood well? You are keeping them under watch? They haven’t done anything wrong, only questionable choices.
-It is our protocol.
-Why do that, if you say the affair was already settled?
-It is a simple question of security. We prefer knowing them under your authority, so that they don’t get into more trouble. You will have to bring a copy of these declarations with you because they will need your signature in their paperwork. I have contacted the police station in Edimburg and they will wait for you there as soon as you can bring the papers.
-There is something I still don’t understand, said Albert.
The Sergeant looked him up and down, ticking at his American accent.
-Listen, there is no story to start with any of this. I repeat, it is the result of a big misunderstanding, that is all. We wrote the reports as you wished, and for us, the case is closed.
-Why can’t these men roam freely, then?
-They are free! sputtered the officer. But we keep watch on them. They’ve wasted some of our time, and yours too, for exaggerated falsehoods. We want to make sure they won’t be trying anything else. A reputation can be easily broken, and for all sorts of reasons. We wouldn’t want their accusations to reach the wrong ears or people with bad intentions.
Albert was about to retort, when Andrew caught his glance and convinced him to let it go.
-Fine, then, said Albert. Will you leave us here one moment so that we can read these papers before we sign them?
The Sergeant raised a brow and motioned to the subordinate to hand them the typed pages. He went out of the room without another look at them.
They took the time to read over the documents, making sure the two men’s testimonies had been registered correctly. Seeing everything in order, they called the sergeant.
-The report looks compliant to you?
-It would seem so, yes, said Andrew.
-To be made official, these declarations must be signed in front of witnesses, in this case, my subaltern and I. Will that be fine with you?
-Of course, said Albert, wanting to close this strange episode once and for all.
Andrew put his name on the bottom of the pages, followed by Jack and Kevin. Albert looked over at the officer before signing. If he said it was already settled, he couldn’t add anything. He found it frustrating to conceive that he had wasted all this time for nonsense.
-All this story is much ado about nothing, as would have said our good old bard Shakespeare, don’t you find? said Sergeant Lewis pompously.
The subaltern had lagged behind, silently observing the unfolding of the appointment. The Sergeant still had something to say, a recommendation of some sorts to Jack and Kevin who kept their eyes lowered, not wanting to meet the gaze of that cold man, fearing that he might keep them in custody.
-Before you leave us, I would like you to remember to not give into rapid suppositions when you don’t possess all the data. If ever a story like this was to happen in the future, please go directly to the authorities instead of trying to take matters into your own hands, is that clear?
-These men were desperate, said Andrew. Now, they have understood, is that correct?
Jack and Kevin nodded their approbation
-I will personally make sure that it doesn’t happen again.
The officer ignored him and faced the two men again.
-You can count yourselves lucky that you have a man of this caliber vouching for you. That is why you can leave with no further complications. If it had only been for me, I would have kept you at the station, to teach you a lesson.
-I believe they have already learned it, said Albert.
-Let me escort you on your way out, gentlemen. Good day to you.
A bit dazed, the four men left the station, each getting out of there with a copy of the depositions, and some supplementary pages to hand over to the Edimburg police.
********
Candy and Terry stopped over in their cabin to leave the camera there before going to the welcome booth near the elevator, to ask for the directions to the infirmary that was on the lower floor. The nurse who welcomed them with a smile wasn’t in her prime youth anymore, but looked to be extremely efficient. She put away the bandages she was sorting out and folding and sat behind a small desk, seizing a pencil and a filled notepad.
-Yes? How may I help you?
-Hello, Nurse. We would like to see Dr. Clement as soon as possible. Captain Brown suggested to come to the infirmary, because the doctor wasn’t in the dining room.
-Certainly, I could offer you… Let me see…
She replaced her glasses on her small pointed nose that detonated with her round face, looked over her appointment book and turned a page, searching for a free spot. Terry’s mood darkened imperceptibly.
-Isn’t he here, right now? inquired the actor. We have only a few questions to ask him. It won’t take too long.
-I am sorry, mister, but Dr. Clement is quite in demand, I can confirm that, she said patiently. Do you know the number of passengers that require his services on board? There is even a woman who had a baby earlier this morning! I will never understand for the life of me, why they even let her on board so close to term.
-Oh! exclaimed Candy, excited, are the mother and baby doing well?
-Yes, of course, answered the nurse as she raised her eyes over her glasses to meet Candy’s green ones, but it is sheer luck that Dr. Clement was present, or else anything could have happened. It could have gone so much worse. Those people of the third class, they don’t have the same logic as us. Besides, the doctor had to leave soon after because so many took sick last night and after seeing to the baby, he had to do some follow ups to make sure everyone was doing fine. They said it was the meal, but it must be something else they carried with them from offshore… Okay, now, where was I? Ah, yes… The doctor could see you… this Thursday.
Terry was taken aback. He shouted his displeasure.
-Only in two days?
-Yes, that is right. You could come back in the afternoon, the doctor will see you at two o’clock, is that right for you?
-Couldn’t you find a short five minutes between two patients for him to see us before?
Terry was trying to stay patient with the nurse but Candy could see him fulminating. She tried to appease him with a quick glance, then accepted the nurse’s offer with a nod of the head.
-Please wait a bit more while I write down your names on the notepad.
Candy politely answered her questions and led her husband out of the infirmary. She hid the envelope with Dr. Reynolds letter in the interior pocket of Terry’s jacket. He was now grumbling to himself, exceeded. She squeezed his hand and told him in a low voice,
-Listen, darling, the doctor can’t get away! He is somewhere on this boat and we will meet with him sooner or later. It is not one day that will make a difference, you know!
-It is not a day, it is two!
-Really, you’re not going to pout until then? asked the short blond while supplicating him with her eyes.
Terry instantly calmed down. His beautiful wife at his side didn’t seem offended by the wait nor to worry over much, so why should he? He hated having to follow the rules.
-You are right, even if I must admit that I am becoming rather impatient to be done with this overdue appointment!
-I could see that! That poor nurse was only trying to do her work the best way she could…
-She must be used to people like me.
-That’s not a reason to make her feel awful with your grumpiness! It is not her fault that the doctor is so busy! It was the same with Dr. Martin at the Clinique. He tried his utmost to be available at the Clinique for the appointments, but if there was any emergency, he had to postpone them, it is quite usual in this line of work.
-I agree, but still…
-Tut-tut-tut, said the blonde to close the discussion about the touchy subject.
Terry laughed,
-Between colleagues, you protect each other!
-Let’s forget that for the time being. You surely have other activities to offer me to occupy my time?
He winked at her, bringing her close to him in a quick yet sensual way, brushing her ear with his breath, murmuring,
-I have plenty!
Images of their two bodies intertwining furtively came into Candy’s mind at the evocation of what they could be doing… if only… In the light of day! No… Don’t think about that, she told herself, turning her head to look over at the far end of the hallway to hide the state of her body just hearing his words, pushing him away for the form, her face on fire and the beats of her heart doubling with intensity in her breast.
-My, my, what are you thinking now, Freckles? Your face is all red and your freckles are sticking out even more!
-Oh, Terry… You have no idea what passes through my head sometimes…
It was Terry’s turn to be agape. He cleared his throat, troubled, then said,
-And that is exactly the reason why I am so impatient for that infamous appointment with the doctor! Have you thought about that? And if he told us the coast is clear? he added in a low voice, squeezing her closer to him.
-Oh… Let’s not think about that now! said Candy. I don’t know what you are expecting, but I don’t want to have false hopes. Dr. Reynolds was so serious in his letter, you’ve read it. It would be too disappointing to fall back on earth after having such high hopes.
A fatality spread over her face, through her eyes, and their gazes locked together for a fraction of a second. Then a smile appeared on her sad face.
-So, then, will you tell me what was second on your list?
Terry sighed, resigned.
-You could show me the Captain’s pictures. If we are lucky, he may still be there to comment them. I wouldn’t want to be the only one to have missed them!
-Of course, I can. I am sure you will find that quite interesting!
They walked to the commanding room. There was only Phillip, Arnold and the Captain left. The three men were having a great discussion in front of the images and newspaper clippings. Susanna was waiting for them, farther off, admiring the vastness of the Ocean through one of the large windows. She saluted them as she saw them enter the room, and etched closer to her husband.
Candy brought Terry to see the pictures, resuming them one by one, from what she remembered of the Captain’s stories. As soon as they were done, he addressed the Captain.
-It is a great idea to recall the key moments of the life of the Mauritania!
-It is my Second, Colin, who came up with it, said the Captain, coming over to joint him. He found them in the archives in Liverpool and had copies made of the best ones. It must have cost him a small fortune. We had them displayed so that the passengers who came through this room could also admire the pictures and benefit from the information.
-It is a very nice tribute indeed.
-Terry, did you see that image with all the men working at the coal furnace? asked Phillip. Can you imagine working like that, four hours at a stretch to keep your strength? A week relaying one another, by teams. It must be exhausting work! All these men working at the sweat of their brows to make sure the boat stayed alimented in coal at all times, I find that very impressive, even spectacular.
-I must say that I had never stopped to ponder that.
-Me neither!
Phillip was frankly enthralled by all that he had learned. He had a boundless gratitude and admiration for the workers who had lived their lives toiling at that physical work. He thought how lucky he was not having to do that. He had already asked a ton of questions to the Captain, and as soon as he opened his mouth, Phillip was all ears again, hoping to learn even more.
-It is the same obsolete method that is still in function as we speak, you know, said the Captain. They are expecting to convert the coal furnaces to install recent ones that work with oil as soon as next year. The ship has to grow with the times if it wants to remain respectmeable. She is constantly under scrutiny to stay the most modern, efficient and secure possible.
-The progress of Humanity is fascinating, don’t you find? asked Phillip.
The Captain showed the pictures with a large swipe of the arm.
-It is a whole era that I have seen, an epic moment in time, whether it was caught on film or not. I was there for a while and so were the other workers. They are a part of the soul of the Mauritania. I sincerely believe that she wears all these transformations that she witnessed, and all those who cared for her, proudly like a badge of honor. She has enriched herself in each of the crossings, by the people, the workers and the weather, and she became unique and memorable, adding another coat of varnish to the richness of her History.
-By God, Captain Brown, you are a poet! exclaimed Arnold. Do you allow me to quote you on that? The way you talk about this ship feels like velvet, your love shines through your every word, and I find it really uplifting! Your philosophical perception is beautiful, almost poetic, as if you were comparing the ship to the life of a beloved human that had become an old wise man after holding his own and crossing the waves all these years.
-If I grasp what you are saying, Arnold, you will also speak of the Mauritania in your article? questioned Terry with a hint of humor.
-I can already see a whole new series of articles profiling themselves on the horizon! I may as well render my salary profitable, don’t you think? said the journalist, deadpan.
While the men were busy discussing together, Candy had slowly come nearer Susanna. They had crossed paths a few times since the start of their trip, it couldn’t be otherwise, but they still hadn’t really talked together. Candy had noticed a certain reluctance on the actress’ part. She wouldn’t let that stop her from addressing her now. Being of a rather jovial and amicable nature, she wasn’t offended by it, and it came to her naturally to want to speak with her despite her apparent coldness.
-How have you been enjoying yourself on the ship so far, Susanna?
-Phillip and I have liked it until now, answered the actress in her sweetest voice
-It was your first time on a boat, wasn’t it?
-For me it was. I have been mostly traveling by train on the continent, as I never had the opportunity to cross the Ocean.
-That is the best way to travel in America. I also enjoy taking the train and seeing the scenery pass by through the windows, go by cities and towns… But the boat is in a class by itself! To navigate on water, being surrounded by the Ocean, wake up and smell the sea air, and all the luxury that an ocean liner offers, it gives another perspective to traveling the world, doesn’t it? I had the chance to cross over to Europe and come back, in very different circumstances.
Seeing that Susanna remained aloof from her attempts at making conversation with her, she tested a new approach.
-I must tell you, Susanna. You seem to be very happy with Phillip, the light in your face is radiating! I find you are become more fulfilled and blossoming every time I see you. That makes me so happy for you both!
-Oh… Thank you. Candy… You know… You don’t have to do this… I mean, it’s not necessary to pretend you like me and that we are friends or to force the conversation. We have to be together for now, but it is a temporary situation.
-That’s reason more to leave the past behind, don’t you think? I am not mad at you, dear Susanna.
-Who said that was my thoughts?
-I find you so unresponsive to my presence, so I figured that… Oh, it’s a shame, really, as I was hoping to talk with you about the foundation you represent. I had some questions that I wanted to ask you, because you see, I am starting to establish my own and…
-Oh, yes, I know, we all heard about it, said Susanna, cutting her off. Robert has spoken to us many times about it.
-Is that what is bothering you?
-Candy, nobody asked us to become the best friends in the world. We only have to remain polite when life has the sense of humor and audacity to bring us together.
Candy looked pained by Susanna’s point of view, but recomposed her face when she saw that Terry was coming towards her, presenting her best smile. Phillip was following close behind, and stood next to Susanna, depositing his arm on her waist as if to support her.
-Are you alright, my darling?
-Of course, lied the actress with a smile.
A tall well-built sailor came into the room and stopped, surprised at seeing so many occupants.
-It’s crowdy in here! he said in a tone of voice that denoted an uneasiness that could pass as gruffness. Captain, may I have a word with you one moment, please?
-Yes, I am coming, answered the Captain, turning to his colleague with a smile. Before, let me introduce you all these kind people. Everyone, here is Colin, my Second.
-Ah! shouted Phillip with enthusiasm, the man who came up with this great way of presenting the Mauritania to the passengers with the pictures and clippings? That was a brilliant idea!
-Yes, well, thank you, said the man a bit drily, not expecting such praise.
-Colin, these are a few of the members of Hathaway’s troupe I was telling you about. Here, we have Terrence Graham and his wife Candice, and Phillip Hathaway with his wife Susanna, he said as he pointed to each in turn. And this other lone gentleman here is Arnold who is a journalist for the New York Times and who would like to interview us.
The Second scrutinized each in turn from top to bottom, as if wanting to make sure that they really were who they said they were.
-Hello to all and welcome aboard. Please forgive my cold welcome, but it is imperative that I have a word with my Captain.
Turning towards Arnold, he added,
-If you come back to see us towards the end of the week, Mister the journalist, we will have more time to spare for you.
The Captain followed him while Arnold proposed to the actors to continue their discussion in his own cabin.
-Mrs. Graham, how would you like to give me that interview right away? You could join us now, because that is what I was going to do with Phillip and Susanna after finishing up our exploration of the History of the ship. It would be the perfect moment, if you and your husband agree.
Susanna’s eyes flashed dark with anger, loathing the perspective of sharing the spotlight with Terry’s wife, but Phillip surprised her by smiling gallantly at the journalist and agreeing to his wishes.
-That’s well thought out. You could kill two birds with one stone!
Terry made sure with Candy that her strength was up to it, and she accepted, despite Susanna’s glance of wrath that lay heavy on her shoulders.
All five walked over to Arnold’s cabin, Susanna coming slowly behind them, her arm resting on her husband’s. Arnold opened the door wide for them to enter and offered to sit on the loveseat, while he picked up the wrinkled pages that lay on the rug. He found two more chairs for them to be all seated, close together in the cramped space. Finally, he sat on a small bench near the hairdresser that stood as his worktable, to face the four of them.
-Oh! You brought your typewriter! exclaimed Candy when she saw it sitting on the hairdresser.
-I try to bring it along with me in my travels. I can tell you my good old Underwood’s been everywhere! Believe me, it makes things easier and more practical for me. The editor doesn’t really care for my handing him blotted drafts with my illegible handwriting. If I want to be able to send him my article when we get to Southampton so they can print it, I need my good tools. Once my notepad is full of notes, I put them all in order and type them out in my spare times.
-We can tell that you are professional at your job, said Susanna in her most charming voice.
-At all times! he said, winking at her.
He started questioning the Hathaway couple, about their past, their career, then kept to their common story, and finished up with Susanna’s foundation. She made it a pleasure to describe all her tasks with the Amputees of War. The journalist thanked her for her implication, smitten with the actress. All this attention had put her in a better mood, and when Candy dared to ask her some of her own interrogations, the actress answered politely. Arnold finished writing his last notes, then turned some pages of his notepad before addressing Candy specifically.
-It is your turn, now, Mrs. Graham, to tell me about your path, he said, well, what you wish to tell me about it, that is.
Candy told him the larger outlines of her past, mentioning in passing the infirmary at Pony House, then spent more time detailing the foundation she was building up, as well as the submissions and donations she was hoping to receive from wealthy donors to assure the future of her charity.
Charmed by the altruism of these two beautiful ladies, Arnold was enjoying making them talk, and even if he had picked up on a certain ambiguity between them, he had the politeness not to address it. He knew from Susanna’s history that she preferred not to revisit certain darker zones of her past. When he closed his note pad and thanked them, Terry got up to stretch his legs. Phillip imitated him, then asked,
-Will you be meeting the troupe in the smoke room this evening? Robert invited us to join him there after supper.
-Yes, I was thinking of attending, and you?
-You will have to give my excuses to Robert, please.
While the men were talking, Susanna addressed Candy, almost blurting out,
-Doesn’t it bother you when your husband abandons you? I just cannot tolerate it.
-I find that it does him good to be with others instead of me. During his absence, I find other ways to pass the time. I go to see the Captain or spend time with Eleanor.
Susanna put a possessive arm on Phillip’s, holding his hand, and smiling.
-Well, Phillip and I prefer to stay together at all times.
-How would you like to accompany us for a short walk while we wait for the meal? asked Terry to change the subject.
-Oh, it is much too cold on the bridge! And I can’t walk for long, with my artificial limb and all.
Terry bade them goodbye, and took Candy by the elbow, saying,
-Are you coming with me, Freckles? We had promised each other this ballad!
-I am coming, dear. Thank you, Arnold, it was my pleasure, she said, then turning to Phillip and Susanna, she added, and I was also happy to spend some time with you two.
They walked back to their cabin to fetch their winter coats and Terry picked up his camera from its box. He absolutely wanted to take a picture of his wife with her hair in the wind under her red beret, before the sun started setting. He found her lovely this way, with her sparkling eyes, the background of the Ocean and the numerous eclectic clouds in an infinite sky.
-You too will have to be on some pictures once in a while, you know, not only me!
-Would you like me to show you how to use it? It is not that complicated, you would learn very fast.
-Yes, maybe some other time.
While they continued walking hand in hand, searching for the best spot for the photo shoot, he asked her,
-So, tell me about Susanna earlier, she seemed stranger than usual, do you know what put her in one of her frosty moods?
-To tell you frankly, I have the impression that she is still mad at me for a reason I cannot fathom. It’s such a shame because I had hoped that we could get to know each other better, but she didn’t seem receptive for the time being.
-Don’t worry over that, Freckles, don’t mind her. As a general rule, Susanna gets along better with men than women. You’ve seen her just now, simpering at the journalist! It’s as if she looks upon you as her rival, it must be her little diva side.
Candy wasn’t mad at her, she had forgiven her long ago, but it seemed that on her side, Susanna hadn’t let bygones be bygones, and still carried with her an unresolved emotion concerning her. They could have enjoyed the trip and formed a sort of truce or even the start of a friendship, but this forced barrier on the actress’ part was tenacious and out of her control, shutting the possibilities between them.
********
After another delicious meal, Candy and Terry had returned to their cabin to change into more proper outfits for the evening. Candy had put on one of her simple dresses, a dark blue marine woolen one over which she wore an ocher and white vest without sleeves that Mrs. Pony had crocheted for her. Terry wore something more elegant, changing into his best jacket.
-Are you sure that you don’t mind me deserting you this evening? I had told you it might happen once in a while.
-Don’t worry about me, Terry, you can go and do what you wish! I wouldn’t want you to miss seeing your friends because of me. Furthermore, you know that the smell of cigarette bothers me, so I will use my time wisely while you discuss with the men.
-Anyway, if you remember me mentioning it, the ladies don’t have access to this room. You can only go to the spaces reserved for ladies.
-Right, that is true… You are using this excuse to get away from your wives…
-You would be very surprised to notice how that is the case for so many of them!
-Susanna didn’t seem to appreciate the idea. I think it is a good place for you to meet, and if it enables you men to be more amicable when you come back, it is a winning situation.
Terry laughed wholeheartedly.
-For some, it would take more than that to become kind. What about you, darling doe, what will you be doing this evening?
-Well, while you will be breathing in all that smoke, I will go to spend time with your mother. She invited me to see her this evening, to have a talk. I think she is feeling a bit nervous about meeting the duke and the new life awaiting her. It will be a huge change for her!
Terry had a little movement of surprise, raised his shoulders, and made a face, pretending to be dismayed.
-That’s it, I’m done for! If my wife and my mother start plotting behind my back…
Candy’s laughter rang in the room, and she came to nestle in his arms.
-Even if we see each other in a few hours, I will miss you, you know? I wasn’t expecting life to be so busy on a ship!
-You are right, it hasn’t been a trip to rest, so far.
Terry held her in his arms and smelled the delicate rose perfume emanating from the soft skin on her neck, that she wore with such grace and finesse, that were hers and hers only. He closed his eyes, wishing to soak up her floral essence and lose himself for a short time in his unfulfilled hopes and desires.
-You smell so nice, Freckles! he declared in a suave tone.
-Terry… Please, don’t…
She stepped back from his warmth and hesitated while he kept admiring her. She lowered her gaze, unable to keep looking into his deep blue orbs, her cheeks becoming pink. She smiled and asked him, hesitantly,
-Terry, how would you like to… kiss me… just for a bit…
The pink heart-shaped lips that were imploring him to taste them where hypnotizing him. He didn’t need to be asked twice, because he was as eager to comply as she was to receive. Even though they spent the most of their time together, the agitation on the boat and the proximity of other people made it so they were rarely left to themselves. Being an actor of a troupe, there was permanent movement around them.
Terry stopped himself before he lost his North, South, East and West. His spirit still bewitched by this delectable delight, he promised her with passion,
-Tonight, dear, when I get back, we will take some time just for the two of us, before we go to bed.
-Do you have to go to the smoke room? she asked in a small inviting voice. You could make an apology to Robert and I could send word to Eleanor that we will meet another time…
Terry was tempted to say yes, but finally refused her tempting invitation.
-It’s part of life, my doe! Even if we are free with our time, Robert wants us to meet this evening. The journalist will be there also. From what I could gather, there is only Phillip who will be missing this call of duty.
-Oh, fine then, I understand! You too are running away from your wife! she said with a pout.
Terry raised her chin tenderly, like a soft and silky caress.
-Freckles, you know very well that I would prefer not seeing you going in that direction.
-I was only kidding you, handsome husband! She said as she put her hands on the back of his neck to leave a light kiss on his mouth.
-Oh you little… For that you deserve…
He leaned her before him, arching her back, and coming dangerously close to her face.
-Another kiss from your serving knight…
He brought her standing upright and started kissing her to make her lose her breath, losing himself enjoying the sweetness of which he couldn’t live without any longer. After some minutes of pure ecstasy, he had to find his footing again to recover from the emotion. He went to dip his hands in cool water to put on his face and change his ideas, while Candy was replacing the headband on her forehead, putting back the blond curls that had escaped from it, trying vainly to calm the startled beat of her heart.
-Are you ready? I will walk with you over to my mother’s cabin before going to meet with my fellow colleagues.
-When you have to go, you have to go! she said, holding onto his arm, her emerald eyes bright with an almost perfect happiness, her rosy cheeks showing her reaction to the delicious kisses they had shared.
********
So close to the winter solstice, these December days were among the shortest of the year. The sun had set an hour ago, but Albert preferred staying outside, leaning on the old building blanched by the salty air of Southampton, watching the comings and goings of the city dwellers, rather than stay inside in the warmth, between four walls. He was waiting for the duke’s arrival as he filled his nose with the typical sea’s scents outside the restaurant of the hotel. Even though he hadn’t understood everything about the scientist’s false disappearance, for the law officers, all seemed to be in order. At least, the depositions had been duly signed, and Andrew was getting ready to leave town to go back home to Scotland, accompanied by Kevin and Jack, preferring to take the night train to Edimburg. A cool breeze arose, making him shiver in his jacket. Albert was about to go inside the building when he noticed a handsome man with salt-and-pepper hair and endowed with natural elegance and charisma, coming towards him. The distinguished demeanor of Richard reminded him singularly of his son Terry’s allure.
-How good to see you again, Albert! said the duke as he warmly shook his hand.
-The same with you, your Grace! answered Albert with a smile. How have you been?
-Very well, thank you! Life is smiling at me these days, and how about you?
-I am fine, although feeling the contrariety of all this here. I am impatient to start with the business appointments that I had scheduled to be able to take care of what needs to be adjusted.
-You can tell me all of this at the table. Let’s go in, the air is quite cool. It is always like this at the end of the day, after the sun sets.
-Of course. Come, our table is ready and waiting for us.
The two men took a seat at their reserved table, beside a window with a clear view of High Street and the surrounding buildings, where a few nonchalant passersby skimping on the sidewalks, were admiring the decorated showcases of the shops. The Star Hotel had welcomed visitors for centuries. It had an excellent reputation along with that of its restaurant which mostly served seafood chowders, St Jacques shells, lobsters and Fish n’chips along with many other seasonal products. The sommelier came over to take their wine order.
-How are your children doing? asked Albert as soon as he was gone. I’ve often thought about Edward and wondered if everything had finally calmed down for him.
-They are in good health and settled since I came home from my trip to the United States. They had a nice fall season. Edward is better. Much better. He doesn’t talk a lot but his behavior has been exemplary ever since the incident that you witnessed. Margaret and he are coming to stay home from the College next week for the Holidays. As for James, I’ve been keeping a watch on him at home since he came back from his Uncle’s place in Normandy. Had you heard about his running away?
-No, I wasn’t aware of that. James is your youngest?
-Yes, he turned nine a few weeks back. In fact, we thought at first it he had left, but it was only due to a wrong interpretation. His message had been lost. I still chose to bring him back to the manor, to have him under my supervision. I employed a tutor for him so that he can catch up on what he missed. This method seems to be working for him. He can also go horseback riding with her in his spare time, so you can imagine that he is having the time of his life! I am sure he will be able to reintegrate the boarding school without any consequences after Christmas. He will miss Mrs. Williams, because she has been an enthusiastic addition to our family. I was lucky to find her on such short notice. She comes from a family that we have known and done business with for years.
-I am so glad that you found a good tutor. It is stressful when our loved ones go through tough times. I am happy to see that things are back under control. Now, how about you? You look very well. I would even say that you look younger than the last time I saw you in New York.
-I am doing good, and I may as well announce it now, because it isn’t a secret anymore, he said in a tone of confidence. Ellie is coming to join me on the next liner. She has accepted to marry me after all these years! She is making the crossing on the Mauritania with our son and your daughter.
-Those are excellent news! I gather that you are speaking of Eleanor Baker, Terry’s mother?
-Exactly. My meeting with her in the fall was part of the dealings I had to take care of when we met in New York.
-It worked tremendously well, then! You will find yourself with a full house for Christmas!
-Yes, I expect to be celebrating in a big manner, this year, with the prodigy son’s return…
The duke let out a light chuckle. He gave off the impression of being filled with good humour, as if his happiness at seeing his future wife was coming out of all the pores of his skin.
-How did Terry react to these news? inquired Albert, curious.
This time, the duke choked and had to take a sip of his aperitif to pass the emotion.
-Not very well, I must say. Ellie told him. I hope he has found the time to swallow the pill since then!
A waiter in uniform brought them menus, taking the time to specify the daily specials. The duke used this short interlude to start up another subject, because he didn’t want to linger on the previous one.
-Can I count on you to be present with us at the manor? It would be my pleasure to receive you as my guest for Christmas as convened if you are free of your obligations, that is. In fact, I am offering you the choice. Christmas will be more intimate, because there will only be close family and yourself, if you accept. Or if you prefer, there will also be the New Year reception as is done every year in the Grandchester household. Most of the families that have business ties with us are invited. It is a grandiose evening, like a disguised business meeting. I find that it is a good way to spend time with my clients and it helps to deepen our partnerships, to exchange with them and to show them we want to continue doing business with them. Maybe you would rather be with us at the moment, as it would be an opportunity for you to enlarge your list of contacts. It will be your choice. I am inviting you to both, so you can look with your schedule which would be preferable for you.
-It is very kind of you to offer, I am deeply honored, thank you. For the time being, I would say Christmas, because I made a promise to Candy that I would be present for her. It has been months since we saw each other. I had to miss her wedding at the start of December because of my aunt’s illness.
-Let’s say the twenty-fifth then! said the duke as he made a toast, clicking Albert’s wine glass. We will be expecting you the day before, it goes without saying. For this first Christmas with Ellie, we want to keep things very convivial. I am curious to see how my children will react to her presence as well as Terry’s and Candy’s. When their mother was alive, Christmas was a huge pompous celebration, but I don’t see the use of continuing that tradition. I prefer to give them some time to adjust to the newcomers before New Year’s Day, because that celebration has been in the family for decades.
-I think that I should be able to be free for Christmas at the manor with you.
-We will be delighted to have you.
The waiter brought them a basket of warm luncheon rolls that he put on the table. Then, he took their order. As soon as he had left, the duke leaned over to Albert with a conspiracy air.
-Enough about me. How are you going? What happened on the Olympic?
Albert sighed. For a short time, he had forgotten his own worries.
-For me all is well, and I am very eager to start the meetings I came here for. There was an incident on the liner forcing me to report them.
-What came up?
-On the boat, two men declared they had information about a sequestered man, but it was apparently a misunderstanding. Everything is cleared now even though I still think there are shadowy zones. They left with only a warning and they are kept under surveillance.
-What matters is that things are cleared in the eyes of the law.
-It is, even though I lost two days here already. I am leaving tomorrow morning for Scotland to meet two families that live near our family villa in the little village of Duddingston on the shore of the lake with the same name, just east of Edimburg.
-I’ve had a villa for years there on that same lake! It belonged to my dad who had bought it for his own retirement, even if he never had the chance to truly enjoy it. I am curious about those families you are meeting, could you tell me their names? inquired Richard. They might be acquaintances.
-Well, first there is the MacFarlane family who are located in a small town in the suburbs of Edimburg. We started our discussions and I am waiting my colleague’s approval to start doing business with them. I met the heir who has been in the process of taking over his father’s place these last few years. He seemed serious enough with a good practical head on his shoulders and a lot of potential for the future.
-MacFarlane, you say? Would that son be Andrew, by any chance, the ex-jockey?
-Yes, it is him! I met him on the Olympic.
-He was a race champion a few years back, an excellent jockey to watch in action, said the duke with a hint of nostalgia. It is sad that he had to leave the circuits, he was a very promising athlete. Their stables presented excellent horses for years before he retired from the competitions. His father used to be champion in his day. I knew him well. I have regularly placed bets on their horses when mine weren’t in the race. Pray, tell me, how old would this Andrew be, do you have any idea?
-In his twenties I would say. He stopped racing to learn business, and he was of age during the war. He is an only son, if I remember correctly.
-The MacFarlanes have a reputation of being quite firm in business, but they are just. They have varied interest fields that are promising. Their most recent acquisition is an enormous shed that served during the war for planes as well as a training ground for pilots. Has the young MacFarlane told you about it?
-We briefly touched upon the subject this morning.
-He is audacious and has vision. Before his time, the family kept close to their stables, and I can confirm that they were part of the best in Scotland! They take care of their horses, contrary to some others I hear about who don’t. Which other Scottish family are you meeting if I may ask?
-I have something else to settle. An alliance contracted by my aunt, made without my permission. I must meet with the family to cancel the agreement without ruffling too many feathers. I have no idea how I will be received when they will learn my opinion on the matter! My aunt was acquainted with the only member of the family who settled in the States, near Chicago, while his brothers preferred remaining on the old continent. It is because of him that we bought the villa in Duddingston where we had the chance to go many times. The MacGregors live in the rural area a few kilometers away.
-How the world is small! It is from this family that…
The duke was interrupted by Andrew, who, upon seeing Albert, approached their table with a big smile.
-Good evening, gentlemen. Could I join you just for a few minutes before we leave for the train station? Jack and Kevin are exhausted, and the police station tired them too. That sergeant was a tough cookie.
-So I noticed, said Albert. And I was under the impression that he knew more than he let on.
-I see that I am not the only one to be left with interrogations. It is a shame that we couldn’t interrogate him ourselves!
-Do you have time to have a drink with us while we’re waiting for our meals?
-It would be my pleasure.
Albert made the presentations and Andrew sat with them at the table, borrowing a chair from the table in diagonal. He sat with them and stole a warm bun in which he bit with appetite. When the waiter came to ask if he wanted to him to add another set of dishes, Andrew refused politely, but ordered a glass of spirits to accompany them. They started talking as if they had known each other forever. The duke had a long history of race horsing and so it was natural for him to enter into a lengthy conversation about it.
-It is quite an honor to meet you, Mr. MacFarlane. We were speaking about you moments before you came in. I knew your father before the war. I have also seen you on the race tracks, many times. I remember one victory in particular at the Musselburgh hippodrome, it must have been what, three or four years ago. You surely have that race in your memory, as you had won the event! It was so close up until the last curb, when you drove your horse to finish first, passing right in front of Star Champ that was mounted by Johnny MacPherson.
-Ah yes, I remember that one! recognized Andrew with nostalgia. It was one of my best lifetime performances. I keep an excellent souvenir of that win!
-His boss was furious. His horse face was grotesque, scolded the duke with a touch of nastiness.
-That is an insult for the horses! sneered Andrew. It is true that the Lord is a sore looser. The year after that, I had to abdicate, so his Star Champ became the favorite and has practically won all of the races since then.
-So you have decided you preferred to retire, although you were assured of gains on the circuit?
-It was at my father’s bequest that I did so. He wanted me to do my duty at his side.
-Do you regret the racetrack?
-It happens sometimes that I have a twinge of sadness. I keep unforgettable memories of those days. I haven’t found anything yet that could be equivalent to the atmosphere and adrenaline that this world of race brought me. It was euphoric! But, as my father told me many times, there is a time for all things, and now is the time for me to worry about the family business.
-You are still young, aren’t you interested in making a comeback when you are more settled with your work schedule?
-I can’t say I haven’t thought about it occasionally, and that could be an interesting avenue in the future. But I would need to add some hours to my days.
Albert had been listening to them and suddenly interrupted them,
-Andrew! Did you just say Star Champ? Wasn’t it the same horse that we talked about at the police station yesterday? It seems to me it was that name that came up! You remember, the animal that your two men wanted to protect from being mistreated and that they were fired over?
Andrew looked at him, taken aback. Then he exclaimed with surprise,
-Star Champ! By God, you’re right! That is the same horse. How did I not make the connection before that? That horse wasn’t yet in his prime when my Imperator beat him. Star Champ had a tendency to start like a lion. He often was catching up and trying to pass in front before the end of the race and finishing out of breath, in fourth or worse position, poor thing. He hadn’t the endurance of a real winner yet. It is even surprising that as soon as I stopped racing, he became the favorite so quick afterwards. It usually takes them many seasons of training to attain that kind of discipline and performances. The Richardson stables have a certain reputation, and have been presenting champions for these last few years.
The duke added,
-I don’t know if you had heard of this, because it is a recent story. There were certain rumors a while back, when it happened. It concerns that jockey Johnny MacPherson that you just mentioned. He was taken into custody for a sordid affair. His master, the Lord, was washed of all blame. It appeared that Johnny was injecting illegal substances to the animals to enhance their performances. He had sequestered a scientist who knew the magical formulas.
Albert and Andrew looked at each other, their eyes wide with stupefaction. Albert found his voice first.
-A scientist? Would that happen to be our man? Are you telling us, as we speak, that the Lord’s stables were partly raided by the police recently?
-It was the one in Scotland mostly under investigation, he is for the moment not to blame, but Johnny has been sent to prison for many months I think. His twin brother James had the sentence reduced. He is the Lord’s assigned lawyer and has been for years. He proved out of all doubt that his brother was acting unbeknownst to the big boss.
-Is that the Lord that Kevin was speaking of yesterday? asked Albert to Andrew who nodded his ascent. I don’t believe it! Sergeant Lewis must have known all of this and he practically said nothing! Why didn’t he at least mention the Lord’s implication? It seems to me it was much more than a little insignificant detail! He preferred to put the blame on Jack and Kevin rather than tell us the truth. He could have offered some precisions, it would have saved me a day of traveling!
-Finally, said Andrew, this has not convinced me that the peace officers are on the side of the poor people.
-I agree. Well, I must say it is very instructive to be speaking with you, Richard, as it is always. I think, Andrew that we have just found some of the answers to our questions left in suspense. It took a conversation between objective people and only a few sentences to bring light to that story. I believe it would be my duty to go to the police station commissariat tomorrow to meet with the sergeant, as I have some new questions to run by him.
-You will keep me updated, William? I am intrigued to know the end word of this. I won’t be able to accompany you because our train is leaving soon, and it is time for me to leave. Jack and Kevin are still waiting for me outside.
He motioned to the window with his hand and Albert turned his head to see the two men, standing outside in their newly bought coats, who were trying to keep warm by stepping with their feet.
-Andrew, let me say it again. It is quite noble, what you are doing for these two men. They owe you their reputation.
-I always say that you have to give their chance to the runners, said Andrew as he drained the rest of his glass in one gulp. I know they are knowledgeable and good disciplined workers, and that is enough to be starting with. They will help me to restore the image of our own stables.
The two men passed their head through the door of the entrance. Andrew went to talk with them to validate what they had deduced. He came back to the table to inform Albert. The two businessmen stood up to shake his hand.
-Goodbye, Mr. MacFarlane and have a good trip back home, it was a real pleasure meeting you.
-It was the same for me, Mr. Ardlay. Good luck with the rest of the story! I was pleased to meet you also, your Grace, it was unexpected but very enriching! William, keep me posted. And during your stay in Scotland, I am sure that my father would enjoy welcoming you to our manor and have you as a visitor to our stables also. We could speak strictly business that time if you wish. And I could show you our shed with the life-size model planes that I have started collecting.
-Oh your famous aviation garage! interfered the duke, his eyes sparkling with interest. Tell me, how well do you know plane mechanics, Mr. MacFarlane?
Andrew smiled and squared his shoulders, proud as a peacock. The duke went on,
-I have in my possession an old biplane, a model that is now rendered obsolete and it needs to be tended to, said Richard. It is one of the oldest models. A piece of the motor was defective and I must say it was neglected for some years after it stopped being able to fly, as I was kept busy with my enterprises. It has been stationed in my Scottish villa’s garage ever since. I knew how to pilot it in my youth and I could do rudimentary mechanics on it, but I lost interest. Do you think it would be possible to have it repaired?
-Everything can be repaired. I would need to examine it.
-It can be arranged. That would be such a nice surprise for Ellie, she used to love flying, he said apart to Albert, then turned towards Andrew. Leave me your contact details so that I can communicate with you sometime before the week is over.
The men exchanged their telephone numbers and a firm heartfelt handshake.
-It was a real pleasure to discuss with you, gentlemen, but it is time for us to depart. William, I am expecting a return call soon. And from you too, your Grace!
-I will let you know as soon as I am available when I get to Scotland.
Andrew neatly put his chair away, saluted them one last time and went out of the restaurant.
As soon as he was out of sight, Albert and the duke seated each other at their table. The waiter brought them two entrées, two Crecy potages accompanied by dry biscuits. The duke observed Albert whose frowned eyebrows denoted his slight frustration.
-If you want me to, I can go with you to the police station tomorrow to clarify this, proposed the duke. I can guarantee that you will have answers rapidly.
-Thank you, I would be thankful. I don’t know if I would be able to keep my calm in front of the sergeant.
-Don’t judge him too soon. If you want my opinion on the question, the Lord has a large wallet, and long hands. If he has been caught in suspicious dealings, which is very probable, he will be creative in finding ways to get out of the jam, even if he has to sacrifice his employees. He is used to these ways, I’ve known him for a long time. He always shows his white paws and nothing was ever pinned on him directly.
-Lord… Richardson! exclaimed Albert suddenly, hitting his forehead with his hand. That’s the one?
Surprised, Richard acquiesced.
-I thought that the name rang a bell! Give me a moment to recall the particulars… He must be around forty, has been widowed twice and has many children?
-Yes, that sounds like him. There is only one. His dad was an only son also. He corrected that by having five of his own from children by two different wives, both of which died from exhaustion. I heard say that he was recently betrothed to an American from Florida. He is supposedly getting married at the end of the month and bringing her back to London.
Albert burst out laughing.
-I must be hallucinating! Would you believe me if I tell you that I strongly suspect that this famous Lord is my niece’s future prospect? Good God! I wonder if her parents are aware of the hazy reputation that he has acquired in his sphere.
-Your niece? You’re still young, she must almost be still in her cradle! said the duke with indignation.
-Eliza turned twenty-two this year.
-Oh, the old geezer! blurted out the Duke. I already had close to no respect for the man, he just went down even further in my admiration! I will never understand that phenomena. He is twice her age! What father would accept that kind of union for his daughter? It is barely possible that he was warned. The reputation of that Lord has been following him for quite some time, even if this story is only the most recent of his dubious dealings.
-I guess Arthur hasn’t done his research properly. Or maybe his wife was so obsessed by the Lord’s title and his riches for her daughter that she forgot to inquire about his heart, reflected Albert out loud, shaking his head.
-She is right about that, I must say. He is rich like Croesus. But what truly fascinates me is that they can have accepted the wedding of their daughter with a man they barely know. They could have asked around before contracting something with the man… A title doesn’t make nobility!
Albert could very well imagine Sarah letting herself be coaxed by the Lord in question, from what he had just heard. Arthur was the most sensible between the two. How could he have agreed to it? He must surely not know about it.
-I will have to send a telegram to America as soon as I’ve talked with Sergeant Lewis. I have to warn Arthur. He will then choose according to his conscience what is best to be done. At least I will have done my duty in telling him. I don’t particularly appreciate Eliza Reagan, but it would be a bad trick to play on her.
The waiter came back with their main course, which he deposited in front of each one. As soon as he had left, the duke brought up the topic of Candy and Terry with Albert. Richard admitted his uneasiness towards his eldest, wondering how he would react. Albert reassured him at once, telling him that he wasn’t the young rebellious teenager that he remembered from his past.
-Your son is like this tasty wine, said Albert, turning his glass of wine to show the burgundy liquid churl in it, admiring the richness of its color, he has aged well. And remember that this time, he’s got the two women he loves most in his life to bring him back to order.
-Whew! We’re not out of the woods! said the duke, bursting with laughter.
The two businessmen made a toast then started the meal that had been served. It tasted delicious : St Jacques shells with a garlic gratin, served with scalloped potatoes enhanced with herbs and a mix of boiled root vegetables. Before going back to their rooms, they each took a last drink to help with their digestion, continuing their discussion. The duke affirmed to Albert that he would be meeting two good families; the MacGregors whom he had known since his dad made business with them, and the MacFarlanes who also had a good reputation. Besides, Andrew was popular in the business spheres, climbing the social ladder with his charm, his wit, and his good humour.
They went on to talk about their own areas of expertise, and the real reason of their meeting. They agreed on the various points to add to the contract that the duke needed to look over and reviewed by his attorney, then the papers prepared by the notary so as to be ready to have Albert sign them on their next meeting, on Christmas Eve.
The two men smiled with the satisfaction of having made a good deal. They made a last toast to seal their friendship and future partnership. Before leaving, Albert stopped at the entrance to ask the time of the departure of the train to Edimburg in the morning. The clerk answered that he usually left around nine thirty. Albert turned to the duke and said,
-That will be a close call but it will have to do. We will get by on time. I don’t want to lose one day more on this story!
-At what time do you wish to be at the station tomorrow?
-I would like to be there for eight, if we want to have enough time to speak with Sergeant Lewis and get our answers. I hope he is on duty Wednesdays.
-Well, so be it. I propose that I join you here for a quick breakfast around seven, that should give us ample time to eat, then go on to the police station. We’ll pull some answers out of that Sergeant, I give you my word of honor! said Richard in his deep voice. Good night, Albert.
-Good night, Richard. And thanks again, I appreciate you taking the time to help.
********
Aware that Terry would spend a good part of the evening along with the other men of the troupe in the smoke room to philosophize together, Eleanor had invited Candy into her cabin to talk. The actress offered her a warm tea as soon as she walked in. She had something on her mind, that she had to tell her daughter-in-law, and the sooner it was said, the better. She poured her a cup of tea and the two women sat down on the Edwardian style sofa.
-Candy, there is something bothering me that I wished to talk to you about. Do you allow me to speak?
-Ah, Eleanor… Wouldn’t you prefer to wait when Terry gets back, to tell him too? suggested Candy slowly, wondering what the actress had to say. He will join me at the end of the evening.
-I’ve already had my say with him after today’s practice, she said, dismissing the idea with her hand. It is something that I noticed and that concerns you both. Let’s just say that he wasn’t particularly receptive to my words. He just repeated that you were nervous and that I would do better to keep my concerns to myself and not meddle in yours.
Candy emitted a nervous laugh. She noticed that she was cold, all of a sudden, and her hands were starting to be humid.
-What do you mean to say exactly? she asked then, curious and worried at the same time. You are starting to scare me.
-Well, I noticed that you and Terry…
Seeing Candy becoming more fidgety and starting to look like a trapped animal, she tried to reassure her.
-It is not something negative, at least I don’t think it is. I will tell you, the same way I told my son.
While listening to Eleanor’s concerns about them, and being aware of her own situation, Candy was wondering what she could reveal, and what she preferred to keep for herself. How could she appease her mother-in-law’s fears while keeping her secret safe in her womb? She wanted to spare her loved ones, she didn’t want to alarm them, as long as she hadn’t received a second opinion, or at least a clear evaluation of her current state of health.
-What are you thinking? Apart from telling me it was your nerves, Terry didn’t bring any light on the subject.
Candy chose to talk of what she was feeling, steering clear and staying vague on the real reason behind her actions.
-Your worry proves to me how our happiness is important to you, Eleanor, and that touches me deeply. You don’t have to worry about that, because Terry and I are so happy together! It is a joy renewed each morning to awaken beside him and to share his daily life. Terry is attentive, he is kind, he is tender. He is the best of men, the best of husbands.
-Then why are you still refusing to give yourself to him? asked the actress point blank.
Candy’s eyes widened with stupor and she suddenly turned beet red from the root of her hair to the tip of her mutinous nose, her freckles standing out even more. How could she have known? Was it written on her forehead?
-Eleanor! she gasped. It’s not… I mean to say you…
-Please forgive me for being so frank and direct, dear child. You have every right to tell me, as my son did, with reason, to not meddle in your lives, to mind my own business, and to treat me of being an awful stepmother!
-Well… No… I mean… How did you guess? Did you… Did Terry…
-Pretty and candid Candy! Your emotions are so clearly spread on your face. I didn’t want to make you feel uneasy. It is just that I’ve always believed that it is best to burst the abscess rather than leave it festering and gaining momentum. It is funny because when I was talking with Terry this morning, the more I talked, the more I could see his face closing, but you, you can simply not hide your emotions. Basically, I only wish you both to know that it is usually unhealthy to hide things from each other or to leave them in suspense. You are a nurse, you know what I am talking about. Whether you tell me or not is not the important thing, just remember that you and Terry must discuss about it together.
-Don’t worry, Eleanor, we don’t have secrets for each other, said Candy with conviction. All these years we had to keep everything inside, now we can unveil ourselves to each other! I feel so good with Terry, and he does with me too. We can finally catch up on years of being apart. I couldn’t have found a better life partner, I assure you, I am filled with love and gratitude for him!
-Candy, I have a sixth sense for those kinds of things, it has served me well in my career!
Seeing that Candy’s eyes remained elusive, Eleanor sighed.
-Ah, let it be. I can see that you don’t wish to speak of it. No matter, at least I let you know a part of what I feel. Let’s forget all of this if you prefer.
-Dear step-mother, I am touched that you worry for us and our happiness. It is not that I don’t want to speak about it, it is just that I don’t really know what to tell you. I think more than anything else, that I… I am a bit afraid.
-Afraid? What could you be afraid of, my child?
-I am afraid for him… For Terry… I try not to think about it. I remember much too well how it was for him when we were separated and… I worry… What if something was to happen to me?
-But why do you immediately think about the misfortunes that could befall you? exclaimed the actress with consternation.
-Nobody is ever sheltered from life’s hardships, said Candy with resignation.
-So that is the reason why you haven’t surrendered to his love for you? Believe me, I know what it is to love someone like you two lovebirds love each other. And I also know how to recognize a woman that is satiated by her man. Your love, it has remained at the same level as it was before you were wed, as if it is stagnating… That is what is bothering me a bit. Ah! It is hard to speak frankly, when we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings! You are both young, you are in love, you should be… Oh! Who am I, really, to judge of others’ preferences?
-Eleanor… I… I am completely flabbergasted. I wasn’t expecting it to be so flagrant.
-It isn’t for anybody, you know, but I am his mother. I love you both more than it is allowed, and I can see the sadness in your eyes. I can’t explain it at all. What more can I say? That the intimacy between two people who love one another is the most beautiful gift that can be shared together. There is an overall global intimacy that is important, the sharing of thoughts and hopes and dreams, but there is also the physical intimacy that doesn’t only unite the bodies, but the souls too. It is like a total communion. And believe me when I tell you that I know something about that.
Tears like pearls appeared in the corner of Candy’s eyes, and started falling on her cheeks. She didn’t know what to say. Eleanor had taken her unprepared. Never could she have thought that she was so transparent. She felt overrun by the return of that infinite weariness that overtook her at times, the same one that hadn’t left her since her wedding night, but that she tried her utmost to keep at bay.
-Oh! Dearest daughter-in-law… sighed Eleanor with sadness as she noticed her dismay. Come here.
She opened her arms and Candy nestled in them. Eleanor patted her hair, thinking she understood much better what was going on in the psyche of her daughter-in-law, even though she still wasn’t aware of the principal cause.
-You and Terry have both suffered an immense traumatism when you were separated and you are still not over it. The separation is over and you are together now. Life is smiling at you, finally! If you spend your time thinking about the past and wanting to change whatever happened, then you can’t bring your energy to the present moment. You have to live this present moment in each instant and leave behind everything that doesn’t help your couple forward. If you refuse to give yourself to him, because you are afraid of the future, you contribute to your past pain.
-Eleanor, I… started Candy.
Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Candy said in a low voice,
-What if he loves me too much, and then we lose each other?
-How could you lose each other this time? You are married now! Nobody will come between you two ever again!
-I appreciate that you are speaking to me about this, but I think that what goes on is really between Terry and I.
-You are right, of course, and like Terry did this morning, you are telling me to mind my own business. Fine, I will, as long as you give me permission to share one last thought on the subject?
-Yes, go ahead.
-Well… How can I explain it so that it will be easier for you to understand?
The actress was searching her mind for the example that would help her demonstrate to Candy that there were other possible solutions. Her eyes sparkled when she found her idea.
-I will try to speak your language and give you an example that will be more concrete for you : imagine that you have a patient that is wounded. Let’s say that he broke his wrist. You know as well as I do that if he wants to heal and be able to use it like he used to do, he will have to learn to move it again after a certain time of immobility. An articulation that doesn’t move will become rigid, is that so?
-Yes, but I don’t… hesitated Candy, wondering where she was going with that thought.
-If the person doesn’t move his arm because he is afraid to be hurt again, what will happen to his arm? Will he be able to regain his complete mobility?
-No, answered Candy.
-Well, it is the same for you and your heart. If you live your actual life always fearing that something will happen to take away your happiness, you will remain limited. Will you really benefit from the love your heart feels? Will you be completely happy?
-Not truly…
-But if you choose to seize life day by day, and move forward one step at a time, the same way that patient would practice exercises every day, both of you would make progress. To learn to live fully each moment without wishing to change it or analyze it, just to live it as it shows itself. Nobody knows what the morrow may bring. That is why it is so crucial to learn to welcome whatever is, to accept it as it is, and to remember to thank God for all his blessings. Carpe Diem. It is an ancient wisdom, all the Masters know of it.
Eleanor paused, letting her words penetrate her daughter-in-law’s mind. She could almost see them make their way inside her. She smiled at her and asked,
-Do you remember when I went to see you in your bedroom at Pony House when you were getting ready to marry my son?
Candy observed her first with confusion, then a flash of understanding sparkled in her eyes and her face lit up at once.
-Your brooch!
-Yes, the dragonfly that was a gift from my mother. Do you remember the words I had said at that precise moment?
-You told me that I had to live the present moment, because life is ephemeral. That I had to choose to go towards my heart’s impulses if I wanted to live a fulfilled life. It had really hit home, when you shared that with me.
-Have you already forgotten these wise words?
Candy hesitated before giving her answer. Her smile faded. She fell back in her thoughts, just for a tiny moment. It was so easy with words, but when her heart skipped beats or became enthralled and she could feel the physical barriers and repercussions, it had another effect. She clenched her jaw and put a smile on her face.
-I know you are right, Eleanor, but I can’t help it, started Candy. I love Terry with all my heart, and I have loved him for a very long time. And you know what? You’ve made me realize something. I think that what paralyses me deep down is that I am scared of being happy. It is like a reflex that I acquired long ago, to protect myself, and it has been there for so long that it feels normal to me, and that is the way it is.
Candy paused, then declared in one go, in a voice that faltered at the last part,
-Because… Every time in my life when I felt secure and happy and well, my happiness was taken away from me. Now it is almost like I was expecting at any moment to lose that felicity that I waited and wished for so long, as if I didn’t deserve it, and I had no right to be happy and that somebody would take it away. So if I let myself feel happiness, for me, it is as if I was attracting unhappiness to fall on me.
-Ah… said Eleanor with compassion. There lies the difficulty. Everything will return back to a new normal with time. Life is there to be celebrated, and the best way to do that, is to love, and you already know how to do that very well, you had simply forgotten it momentarily because of your deep set fears. I am telling you again. Don’t be afraid to love. You can see for yourself how fearing what may happen will do to you, it is no fit way to live. You will end up making yourself sick!
At these words, Candy burst into tears. If only Eleanor knew! For a short glimpse, she was tempted to tell her everything, to give away her secret, and to gain support that could prove to be useful for her in the weeks to come, but she wasn’t ready to receive her pity nor her help. Not right now. Not yet. Only after her medical appointment.
-Would you like my best trick to overcome your fears? Go slowly… One step at a time. Tame each fear before going to the next. Take the time you need to feel safe with Terry, with your love that can now finally live and breathe and grow. With each new step, feel yourself on solid ground before confronting the next one in line, and go on in that way, slowly, if you want to avoid having to start over if you miss a step or try to go too fast.
-One step at a time… she repeated.
Candy knew that it was much more complicated than what Eleanor could imagine.
-I really appreciate your telling me all of this, Eleanor, and it sincerely helps, so I thank you, except that…
-Except that next time, I have to stop meddling, is that it?
Candy laughed again and gave her a huge hug.
-Thank you so much for making my son happy, dear Candy, said the grand dame, hugging her back, it is wonderful to see him this way after all these years of solitude.
-He also makes me very happy, believe me!
-Then, don’t hesitate anymore, and show him with your moves, with your gestures, and not only with your words. He is only waiting for that, and he has been very patient. He is a man after all. Your kind and romantic words won’t carry the same weight than the impulse of your heart and the desires of your body.
Candy’s cheeks were acquiring a red hue again, and she lowered her head.
-Will it be fine, now, my dear? I am finished with that subject. I’ve told you both what was bothering me and I can’t do anymore. It is your turn to play now.
Having said what was on her mind, Eleanor proposed another tea and a game of cards while waiting for Terry to come back. It was late when he finally knocked on the door to join them. As he opened the door, he had to stop on the threshold to admire the two women he loved most in the whole wide world. Candy raised her head and her face reddened instantly as she saw him.
-Now what have you been telling her again, mother? asked the actor with furrowed brows.
Eleanor got up to greet her son. She couldn’t help whispering a couple of words for Terry’s ears only. Ever since she had seen her son with Candy that summer in Scotland long ago, she had known that he had found his pearl. And she wanted him to be aware of it profoundly.
-Terry, remember that when we find a precious gem, nothing is guaranteed, and if we are not careful, we can lose it. I know something about that.
Turning towards Candy so that she could hear the rest of her thoughts, she said louder,
-If there is a piece of advice that I can give you both, it is to never let backbiting, pettiness, gossip, false rumors or anything else come between the two of you. Communicate in a way that wants to understand the other, not just to fill the void of silence! Talk to each other, tell each other in all truth and frankness how you feel. That is the strongest basis for a relationship that lasts long term. There is no place for lies nor for things left unsaid in a couple.
-Mom…
Terry started grumping a bit.
-I will never tell you enough! I can guarantee you that I won’t be making the same mistakes with your father. He will have to behave this time around! she affirmed with conviction. Life in a duet is quite a challenge, you know…
Terry held Candy’s hand to his lips and he took a seat beside her, keeping her hand tightly in his own, resting on his knees.
-I love you both, continued Eleanor, and I only want what is best for you. I couldn’t stand there and see you like this and not say anything as I knew there was something going on. Please don’t stay mad at me for too long.
-It is already forgiven, dear mother-in-law!
-I want you so much to live another kind of story than my own!
-Eleanor, my situation with Terry is very different.
-Yes, mom, and our separation, we have already been through it!
-I feel that this trip will be like a true pilgrimage in the depths of our own selves, added Candy as she squeezed Terry’s hand very tightly. Already, Captain Brown’s presence on the ship brings back so many souvenirs I thought were long forgotten.
-Well, Candy, we are playing Hamlet, it is normal for us to be confronting our demons! laughed Terry with a twinkle in his eye.
-Then let’s just hope that it will be over along with the play! Terry… she exclaimed suddenly as her emerald eyes opened wide, and as she put her free hand on her heart, a gesture that came to her naturally, as if she wanted to protect it from a certain danger. Have you thought about it? When you were playing Romeo, we were separated, and now that you are playing Hamlet, we are facing our shadows…
-Son, I think it would be advantageous for you to start playing comedies from now on, it is much more joyful and light!
-What is your next play that was chosen?
-We will have to speak to Robert about that, because Coriolan is planned, and that is definitely in the range of Shakespeare’s tragic repertory.
Candy was suddenly overtaken by a yawn that she couldn’t repress.
-Excuse-me! Terry, darling, I think it is late enough. You had promised to give me some time…
-That’s right, Freckles, let’s get going. Good night, mom!
-Good night, Eleanor.
-That is enough reflections for today, isn’t it? asked Eleanor as she hugged them both. Good night, my loves! Tomorrow is another day.
********
They had walked back to their cabin in silence, but as soon as the door shut behind them, Candy felt more energized and started asking him a thousand and one questions that had kept turning in her mind ever since her conversation with Eleanor.
-Terry, do you think it would have changed something if we had done things differently? Do you think that if I really knew my own worth, I wouldn’t feel obliged to always help everybody? Do you think that the fact that I was adopted and that I didn’t know my parents has made a difference in the way I live my life?
-Wooooah, Candy! Slow down a bit, you are making me dizzy! What do you mean by that?
-Do you think that because I was an abandoned child, that I think deep down inside me that I don’t deserve to be happy? Do you think that it is possible for me to sabotage our own happiness because of this?
-I think that you think too much, and you are definitely not ready to sleep yet if you start thinking about all of that!
-It’s just that… My head is in ebullition! I need to move.
Candy felt her mind so heavy and saturated with thoughts. She needed some air to help her digest all these thoughts that had appeared in her head since her conversation with Eleanor, and to do that, she knew she had to go for a long walk outside, and have her ideas battered by the wind and sea air.
-Are you coming with me, my love? she asked as she put on her coat.
-Where are you going like that? I thought you were tired!
-I couldn’t sleep now! I need to breathe in some real air and to walk to stretch my legs. Look outside the porthole, the sky is so clear! The stars must be magnificent tonight. Ten minutes should be enough for me.
Terry followed her outside on the superior bridge of the boat, under the starry sky. Candy kept breathing in huge puffs of fresh air, as if she hadn’t breathed properly for days, and soon, tears started welling in her eyes and falling on her cheeks, like a stream picking up speed going down the mountain.
-Are you alright, Freckles? You seem like you’re in such a strange mood, this evening.
-Your mother made me think a lot, you know? About life, about love… And I can’t help but think about Susanna who is still mad at me or jealous, or whatever, and about all that the Captain told me this morning concerning Anthony and Rosemary, when we had coffee together. It is like all the thoughts and emotions that I had today are hustling and confronting each other inside of me, there are just too many of them!
Their footsteps had brought them to the bow of the boat. The clear open sky was full of stars, each brighter than the other, an infinite sky filled with possibilities and hopes. The ocean lay before them, as if it stretched itself until the end of the world. A moon crescent was visible to the east, just above the waves.
-Look at that firmament and how huge it is! exclaimed Candy with wonder, opening her arms to catch it all in her enthusiasm. I feel like there are as many different thoughts and ideas in my head as there are innumerable stars in this sky!
-This sky is as big as the love that you hold in your heart, beautiful Candy. If the stars represent your thoughts and ideas, can you see for yourself how luminous they are?
Candy let her breath out slowly, as if she wanted to make room in her body to welcome these peaceful words from her husband.
-Speaking of luminous ideas, he added softly, I wanted to let you know that your earlier remark was very pertinent and intelligent. Now that we know that we are sensitive to the ambiance of the plays we present, we need to keep it in our awareness. Maybe in the past, we let ourselves be influenced unconsciously because we adhered to the beliefs conveyed around us. Let’s take the example of our separation. When we study it coldly, with hindsight we can find the numerous possibilities that were there, although we couldn’t see them at the moment nor transform them into opportunities to make our reality easier.
-It is as if we were blinded by our blinkers, by our incapacity to reflect calmly and ask for help… It is so easy to see this and say this after all is done, but while we were in that situation, in the heat of the moment, it was very different, very heavy, and quite something else, wasn’t it?
Her eyes filled with water. How much time they had lost if that was true! By transposing this impression to her actual situation, maybe she was losing precious time by not consulting a professional. Maybe Terry was right, and another doctor would see something else, or know of a better solution. It was coming. She would soon have her second opinion. She sighed. What a night! What a day! So many thoughts and reflections to come to be able to put some order into her mind and organize it coherently. What if, instead of thinking about all of that this evening, she could empty her mind, simply, to let go of the heaviness it brought her? Terry was also a philosophical being and these questions she had brought to the conversation were prompting him to question his past choices too. Together, by sharing these ideas, they were confronting their thoughts, and helping each other mutually to see clearer.
-If we come back to your existential questions, I have this to tell you. It all depends on your basic beliefs. If you think it is in your power to change things or if you think you have to endure everything. To be or not to be… You don’t have to look very far, Freckles, because you have right in front of you in this moment a specimen who has believed for most of his life that he brought bad luck. When I was a teenager, with the manner I was treated, I thought I didn’t deserve anything good, and especially not love. When you came into my life, and you kept gravitating around me, smiling despite all the foolish words I would say, always wanting to find the good in me, I couldn’t believe it! But slowly, relentlessly, I came to alter my beliefs of not being worthy. Your stubbornness brought me hope that maybe I could live something good also. Do you know that you are the first person to have loved me as I was, despite me and my blockages and my inner demons? When we were supposed to meet again, and when life chose to separate us, the beliefs I had held about deserving love disappeared again, dragged in the fire that burned us, and the pressure that I was filled with at the time. I abandoned the idea that I could be happy. I started believing yet again that I didn’t have the right to be happy and that I had been very stupid to think that you and I could have been together.
-Can you imagine how different things would have been if we had talked to each other back then and known these things?
-You know what? The most important is that we know them now, isn’t it? The more I get on with life, the more I believe that things are not written in advance nor predestined. I believe that in each instant, we have the choice to change paths, the chance to alter our reality, when we can perceive things in another way.
-That is exactly what your mother and I were talking about earlier, when I told her I was scared of being happy because of all that I had been through, in my own past abandonment, but also because of our shared history of separation. That is what she told me. And her words brought me to face my own reflections and that is how I understood that I had to live my life now as if I had the certitude that I deserved to be happy, that I could be. And… I just had to tell you this… Despite the fact that I…
She stopped talking. The emotion was gaining up on her. It was a new way for her to see life, which seemed full of hopes and possibilities, but also unreachable at the moment, in her condition.
-All of that is really great, except that for me… I mean, these are strong potent words and ideas, but your mother… She doesn’t know… She is missing one crucial statistic that would have changed her viewpoint. She doesn’t know that I am living life on borrowed time.
-That is the best reason to let it all go! exclaimed Terry, trying to prevent the gloom from settling between them, keeping it at bay.
He swooped down on her and seized her by the waist, starting to hum and a melody, then whistling it in her ears, while he tried a few dance steps.
Candy surrendered to the moment, an instant, and then doubt crept in and she tensed.
-You see, darling? That is where I draw the line, I cannot just live anymore. It’s as if this spear of Damocles that is hovering over my head will fall if I start to have too much fun.
-Stop saying that, Freckles! We are going to see a doctor the day after tomorrow. Let’s keep that discussion for later, please. If we spend all our time on theories, we will lose it and forget to create our todays, and our tomorrows…
-Yes, but…
-No buts tonight, darling. Tonight, we will enjoy ourselves.
Terry took out his harmonica to play a ballad for her. The plaintive sound rose up to the night sky, as an offering to a God of clemency. When the last note faded away into the silence, a door opened behind them and a couple came out to take a breath of air. They recognized Karen with the journalist.
-Come, Terry, let’s pretend we haven’t seen them. Let’s go back to the cabin. I think I will be able to sleep now. Thank you for this beautiful promenade under the moonlight embellished by that inspiring agreeable conversation and which was made even better by your chosen musical notes.
They sneaked out of sight and returned to their cabin. Candy fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, her body curved within Terry’s arms, her head resting on her husband’s arm. Terry fell asleep holding her, smelling the sweet rose perfume full of promises that she released.
********
